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death, or whatever else I thought was going to happen to me, in order not to feel them

When my Monday morning poetry class rolled around -- the one Professor #1 began by calling my name and noting with tenured gravitas that he wanted to SEE ME immediately after class -- a request that indicated only one thing -- the jig was up, that I, Mr-Attempt-to-Outstare-My-Professors-So-They-Would-Think-I-Knew-More-Than-I-Actually-Did, was about to be summarily kicked out of school, underwhelmed as my teachers were by the spotty quality of my work and the insidious ways in which Lawrence Ferlinghetti and Dylan Thomas kept leaking into my writing, not to mention the fact that I still had no clue why Wallace Stevens was such a big deal

The answer provided by the box-office receipts was, alas, The same one who appeared in Shanghai Surprise and bored us to death. Madonna took a Golden Raspberry for Worst Actress yet the soundtrack flew off the shelves, selling over six million copies

Clips from the segment quickly circulated online, with netizens laughing at the unexpected question

If the delivery driver decides to practice their jump shot with your package, you are not out of luck